Five Pounds

I am very hard on myself. I gained about about 14 pounds over the past year. It is totally my fault. I've been a dedicated gym goer since I broke up with my ex-fiance in 2002. While I dated him, I put on 35 disgusting pounds. Prior to that I had been a rollerblader, a walker, someone who tried to be active. When we had Gossip Tuesdays I would have us meet at the track or the park and walk.

After I broke up with the guy, about 20 pounds fell off me, because I didn't eat the way he did. He was all about huge heavy meals, and before we were done eating breakfast he would be planning lunch and etc. He was a pretty big guy and he liked food.

There are a few pictures out there of me at my embarassing heaviest, right around the time my brother and his wife got married. I can't look at those pictures without cringing. Oh, the chub!

I started going to the gym and being more active a few months later. I joined a gym with my roomate and we began going pretty regularly. I watched as my body changed, muscles showing up in new places, collar bones emerging. I started to feel stronger and more attractive.

Now I belong to a local gym and about two years ago became pretty good friends with one of the managers who started working out with and training me. Through his tutelage I got down to the lowest weight and the fittest I have ever been. I felt and looked great.

Then I backslid. I met my boyfriend and drank lots of beer and ate lots of cheese. I was just comfortable with him (still am!) but my weight began to climb back up. Then I started flying internationally and that was like the last straw. I ate all night long out of boredom, trying to keep myself awake. I tried to work out at the hotels but it just wasn't enough. I could see the weight coming back on, feel my jeans getting tighter, and still I couldn't get control.

Finally, in January, I started getting my ass to the gym. Two and a half months later, it's starting to pay off. I'm down five pounds, I'm back to lifting weights, my endurance is increasing, and I fly domestically again, so my schedule is regular and I am not eating out of exhaustion, nor am I forgoing workouts because I am tired. I am already familiar with the places I go and I know where I can walk. I bought a pedometer to wear at work (sometimes I walk three miles a day just at work).

So, yay to me for getting back on track! Weight control is hard. I was so angry with myself for allowing it to happen but it creeps up on you. I have one friend who has lost 40 pounds on Weight Watchers and another one who's goal is to run a marathon. Nothing feels as good as being fit.

Temper Tantrums

I believe in karma. The whole what-goes-around-comes-around philosophy really appeals to me. I don't believe the universe likes to be out of balance and I think that how you treat others will eventually come back to haunt you.

In general, I am a pretty much keep quiet and stay out of the way sort of person, but I hate injustice and am easily outraged when the situation warrants. Point in case: My boyfriend and I went to Scotland about a month ago. We didn't have a lot of time to spend so we got out right away and went sightseeing. Edinburgh, as I have mentioned, is stunningly beautiful and we lucked out with some lovely weather. Our first stop, however, was the ATM machines around the corner from the hotel.

Now, when we got there, all four ATMs were occupied and there was no line so we waited for one to open up. Unbeknownst to us, a line had formed behind us. When one became available, Chris and I walked over to it but a Scottish girl started yelling at us.

"Excuse me! There is a queue over here! You're cutting the queue!"

Astonished, I turned around to see that there were about five people in a line that had not been there a few minutes ago. As I made this move, the girl cut around me and took the ATM machine. With me, tiredness and ire do not go well together and my temper, which seems to be permanently set on low boil bubbled right over the top of the pot.

"WHAT??? I've been STANDING on line!!! We were here first!! WHAT DID YOU THINK I WAS DOING HERE???"

She ignored me. Everyone else probably thought I was some crazy American girl. No one stepped in or said anything. Then the ATM right next to her opened up and I hopped on it, but I couldn't keep my mouth shut.

"Is it okay with you if I use this machine now? DO I HAVE YOUR PERMISSION??? JESUS!!! LINE CUTTER!!"

As you can see, I am not always at my best under trying circumstances. But I know that somewhere down the road, someone will cut this girl off, or sideswipe her car, or have a loud party while she's trying to sleep or something in punishment for cutting in line and being a bitch to me.

And if karma doesn't catch up with you, I am sure my temper will.

Genius!

As an aside, occasionally when we have the kids, they complain about being bored. Now, we are not evil people. We have stuff for them to do here - crayons and colored pencils, games, tv, computer, we take them to the movies and out to the mall. In the summer we go for walks in the neighborhood and out to the lake. We want to take them hiking and rollerblading, there are some great pools and small waterparks nearby for when the weather gets warm. We don't just leave them to their own devices.

I was talking about this problem with someone at work a few weeks ago and he said that his kids do that too. He solved this problem by a completely ingeniousness method. He gives them something to clean. FREAKING BRILLIANT! If they complain about being bored, he gives them something to clean. If they are smart, they'll stop complaining. If not, work gets done around the house until they wise up (which I am sure will inevitably happen, but still)! Win-win as far as I can tell.*

My house is not dirty, but there's always a window to clean. Liam complained he was bored so I gave him some glass cleaner and a paper towel and he (happily, I might add) cleaned the glass window in the back door. Then I told him to go clean the mirror in their shared bathroom and he did.

I'm going to have to come up with a list of things to be cleaned for the next time they come over!

*This is definitely tongue in cheek. The kids are smart and fun. But they do complain about being bored.

Whats Going On

I've been struggling to write lately. I had the idea for a book, that I don't really want to share right now, and I've worked on that a little but other than that, I feel something coming on and I sit down to write, and then nothing.

Anyways, writers' block isn't really all that interesting is it?

We've got the kids this weekend. We took them to see "Knowing" with Nicholas Cage which wound up being so bad it was...well, bad. But good for debate. It was pretty derivative with lots of weird references and similarities to other movies and genres like M. Night Shamalan's "Signs". My boyfriend and I debated the relative speed of a subway car versus how much damage it could actually do should it somehow slip the rails and careen out of control. Seriously, how fast do these suckers travel? It took out like a bajillion people before it finally came to rest in the movie.

We did a little bit of driving around - the trees are still leafless and the ground is that horrible dead dun yellow color. I'm waiting for the world to wake up and turn green.

Also, Maddy woke us up at about quarter to eight this morning, not wanting to go downstairs and watch tv by herself. Apparently big black balls float around my house and they scare her but they must not bother her when we are around. Its weird, I've always been afraid of the dark but I've never been afraid in my house. The only time I feel faintly weirded out is when I wake up in the morning and its still dark outside. I have an irrational fear that someone (or some thing) will be looking in my windows at me. So, while it irks me a teensy bit to have to get up early, I do understand her fear.

So tonight we are going to make tacos with ground turkey meat. Its actually pretty good! We've made it before and the kids can't tell the difference. I actually think it tastes better. I've made a meatloaf and meatballs with turkey meat before and they both came out pretty delicious.

Tomorrow I am off on a four day trip - Austin, Miami, and San Diego. I am liking flying domestically again - I get to talk to Chris whenever I want and I don't feel nearly as fatigued.